Hai Jeney!

[Josh]

You're online. Hi!

[jeney]

Yes I am! About to play the Sims 3... ;F

[Josh]

I was never a fan of those games. I play video games as an escape because I'm not a fan of reality. That's a game that tries to emulate reality. No thanks. I'm not a fan.

No future.

[Josh]

King Jeremy the WICKED

[Wilbert]

Doomus

[Josh]

Walrus

[Mister 4]

King Jeremy the WICKED

Oooohhhhh ruled his world.

[Josh]

Try to erase this! Try to forget this! Try to erase this frommmm the blackboaarddddd.

That's how I felt in Highschool.

UH OH. here come the WAHS WAHS WAHS. At least I can admit how emo I was in mindset if not music, and clothing.

Although to get technical. Emo... I have a problem with that genre name. I realize to be truly emo it has to have certain musical and singing instruments besides being sad in the words and whiney about g/fs or whatever. But... What is music or any artform, without emotion? Sadness is an emotion. And greatness can be reaped from it. See the Greek Tragedies.

Emotion is passion. And art without passion, is no art that I'm interested in. In reflection upon my favorite musical artists... Nearly all of them can be considered emo in a way. Pink Floyd. Huge love for them. They opened my mind so much. They echoed my own sentiments! I would consider them to be the first rock brand of emo. Obviously the blues would be the first first in terms of music.

And Alice in Chains. I was talking to Layne about how both of us fell out of Nirvana and AIC a lot. So I popped in a CD today. And man. Talk about the memories their music will invoke for me. (would anyway, but my mind and memories work oddly now, and music is a huge force to bring them up, forgotten or not...sometimes TOO forcibly).

But yes. They were emotional. Very. As in my other high thread. I noted they were depressed. Massively. But they way they handled it and confronted it with such raw blunt aggression... I loved. Staley's story intiruges me and always will. It's so heart breaking and inspiring at the same time. So little became so big, and then through all of his fame and success... Just the death of his love drove him to his own.

Touching. At the risk of sounding gay, ha.

I also realize how much I talked about them incessantly both on here and in person was mostly a cry for attention and help. Sad I didn't realize it then. I had a lot of trouble opening up to anyone then. Fear of being ridiculed, made sport of, etc.

But a cry for help. Like... "Look at the music I'm listening to! I'm massively depressed! Look at the words to these songs! I love them, do you know why? I'm relying on drugs to get through things... But I hate drugs. It's a vicious cycle. I don't feel like I should be feeling like this... Maybe I need help."

Etc. I still do get depressed quite often. And I think it's as simple as the fact that I have a dependent personality. For one who was alone for so long (not being emo, I just didn't really have too many friends, girls...no way was I any good with them), picked on, made into a pariah. Eventually I just fit into the mold they forced into me. The outcast. I became a jackass sort of around middle school to everyone to counteract and get back at everyone.

Mostly in person, but even here on this forum it showed around that time. In my school I was a good deal smarter and quicker minded than most people. Especially the ones who picked on me. So while they were "cool", and "popular", at least I could always outsmart them. Verbally embarrass the shit out of them when they tried to do the same to me.

It showed here. Then towards highschool it hit a point when I really got picked on. I was bitter, I was angry, I was pissed. I put all of that effort into weight lifting. Part of why I made such huge progress. Everytime I didn't think I could get it, I would think of (one of many) a memory of some douche pushing me around. And promising myself that no one would ever be able to do that to me again.

I've now since matured. Mostly after the car wreck. Sounds odd to say, but I am forever thankful for that event in my life. Made me grow up so fast, so hard, and so well. I just slowly became more okay with myself after it. I lost a lot of weight, (towards getting picked on I had gotten chubby). When I starting lifting I lost a good amount of fat and had muscle. A big guy. But still had baby fat and such. After the wreck... Well. Not only had I gotten older, but it aged me visibly. Such an experience, the pain, the stress... Etc.

I now had a squared stereotypical masculine jaw, I had even a bit deeper voice, and when I forced myself back into lifting. I even had more motivation. To prove everyone wrong, prove that even that wreck couldn't stop me from doing anything I wanted. Especially something I loved.

Man. Talk about progress. For the first time, I didn't get buff, I was starting to get ripped.

Got out of that fucking school. Got laid (lol huge help). Got more confident with girls. Finally got a girlfriend. The one I broke up with and have now been back together with for over a month now. Very happy with that decision. Things are better now. I'm so happy with her. First love! Last one too hopefully.


Man. That made no sense. There's my life story.

Aderoll and hydro again.

[Josh]

But I made this thread about Jeney. Hi Jeney, how have you been doing lately? How's your major coming? Hitting the real hard stuff yet?

My girlfriend's thinking of transferring to a private Catholic school (if the science field and major isn't bullshit). Because with that, if you get through it with a 3.5, you're IN/ACCEPTED into a medical school in Kansas City.

She ideally wants to get into KU Med as that's a great medical school, but for obvious reasons this would be an awesome thing to get into. No chance of failure then.

Oh! She's in this national (inter maybe?) honor roll society called Phi Keta Alpha? Would you be in it by chance? It'd be pretty cool to look at her members list and see your name on there! Haha.

[Horror]

What the hell?

[Josh]

I've got no idea. Your comments are cutting. Like knives.

[Wilbert]

I'm going to take a shit.

[Cornelius]

Hai Josh! I just got a new girlfriend, shes 18 and Greek. Its gunna be interesting

[Acer]

I've got no idea. Your comments are cutting. Like knives.

Your six blade knife can do anything for you
Anything you want it to
One blade for breaking my heart
One blade for tearing me apart
Your six blade knife do anything for you

You can take away my mind like you take away the top of a tin
When you come up from behind and lay it down cold on my skin
Took a stone from my soul when I was lame
Just so you could make me tame
You take away my mind like you take away the top of a tin

Id like to be free of it now - I dont want it no more
Id like to be free of it now - you know I dont want it no more

Everybody got a knife it can be just what they want it to be
A needle a wife or something that you just cant see

You know it keeps you strong
Yes and itll do me wrong
Your six blade knife do anything for you